


For the Pursuit of Happiness

by booksandbooksandsinkingships



Category: Lockwood & Co - Fandom
Genre: F/M, The Screaming Staircase, the dagger in the desk, the hollow boy, the whispering skull
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-10-24
Updated: 2017-01-04
Packaged: 2018-08-14 08:35:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 6,740
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8005912
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/booksandbooksandsinkingships/pseuds/booksandbooksandsinkingships
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jessica Lockwood felt she had life figured out: a promising job, loving parents, and a little brother she loved more than anything else. But her life was suddenly turned upside down with the tragic death of her parents. Now faced with taking over the role of her parents, she must raise her brother and quickly learn how to be an adult. But in the darkness there is solace in a former co-worker who would give anything to see her smile. Her world is dark and there seems to be no light, but that won’t stop her from trying to find happiness.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 4

I dried my hands with a towel that sat on the kitchen counter and put the last plate from lunch away. Tony sat at the table scribbling doodles onto the table cloth. It needs to be washed soon.  
I sigh and grab the mail off the table and walk to my room. I sit at my desk and open them.  
There are a few ads for ghost repellants and various agencies  
Trash.  
A letter from one of my parents’ old colleagues inviting them for a dinner in two weeks. Trash.  
And some bills. Great. Sadly I can't trash those.  
I read them over and think. There's more than enough money left in the bank to easily pay them. But I can't rely solely on that to pay for these.  
I gather all the mail and head back to the kitchen.  
“Hey Tony. What do you think about me getting a job?” I look up as I enter the kitchen and come to a dead stop.  
Quill is sitting at the kitchen table.  
“Jess look! He's an agent. A real agent! And he says you guys used to work together.” Tony is practically bouncing off the walls with excitement.  
“Yeah, we used to work together. Quill what are you doing in my house?”  
He blinks and stares at the table. “I uh-um wanted to see you again?” He winces at his words. “Just to talk to you longer and uh, catch up or something?” He glances up at me with his head still down as if expecting me to throw him out.  
Tony is sitting in his chair wide-eyed staring back and forth at us.  
I sigh and dump the mail onto the table. “We should go to the park.”

Tony races ahead determined to be the first on there, while Quill and I hang back walking.  
I turn to him. “Spill. Why are you here? Also how'd you get my address?”  
Quill’s face turns pink and he glances at the ground. “Uh, Fittes records still have your address. They're hoping you come back too. And I wanted to see you again. It's been weird since you left. I felt like I lost half of myself and it's weird leading a team knowing you're not there to help.”  
I stare at the bright blue sky. “I know what you mean. Like you've lost the part of you that keeps on track, that makes you focus. The part of you that allows and know nothing bad will happen. The part of you that you trust more than the part you control. I get it. I feel it too.”  
Quill raises his head to look at me and I look at him half smirking. “We made pretty good team didn't we?”  
Quill laughs shaking his head. “You should've my reaction when they told me I'd be leading a group. They said that after years of watching us work together that I make a great team player who knows how to lead. I would've broke down laughing if I wasn't shocked.”  
I laugh. “So how did your first mission as leader go?”  
He gives me a disappointed look, but he's smiling. “You know they're called jobs. It went great thanks for asking.”  
“You're welcome. And for the record, mission sounds cooler.” I hope onto the short stone wall that separates the sidewalk from the ground. Sticking my arms like I did when I was little, I walk along side Quill.  
“Just when I think you're grown up and mature, you go and act like a little kid,” says Quill shaking his head.  
“What exactly did you expect? I have only my nine year old brother for company.”  
We reach the park and at this point my feet are halfway between his shoulder and elbow. I look up from my path to see Tony racing towards us.  
“Speak of the devil,” I mutter under my breath, releasing a small laugh.  
“You guys walk slow,” says Tony as he looks up at Quill. He then turns to me. “Why are you up there?”  
I shrug. “It's fun.” I crouch down in my spot and look Tony in the eyes. “He doesn't really think so,” I say gesturing with my chin to Quill who's standing behind him.  
He immediately spin to face Quill. “Are you no fun?” He asks.  
Quill feigns offense. “Who said I'm no fun?”  
Tony points directly to me.  
I put my hands in the air. “I said no such thing.”  
“Yes you did. You told me he doesn't think stuff is fun.”  
Quill looks at me, mock hurt painted on his face.  
“Traitor,” I grunt at Tony. He just gives me a cheeky grin and runs back where he came from.  
“Oh no you don't.” I take a few steps forward then stop and turn to Quill. “Are you going to let him get away with that or what?”  
Without waiting for an answer I run after Tony.  
The hill crests down into the bowl that holds a playground in the center. I spy Tony on the opposite side of the playground hiding behind a slide. I rush towards him but he sees me and ducks out of the way.  
I quickly follow him under slide and pop up to see him take a sharp right. I turn the corner to see him running straight towards Quill, who finally caught up. I pick up speed to grab him from behind.  
But he slips past Quill and leaves me to crash into Quill at full force.  
I lift my head up to see Tony standing there laughing at us.  
“Oh, it's on now.” I pull myself off the snow covered wood-chips and off of Quill and chase Tony around the park.  
It takes what seems like forever but I finally managed to tackle him with Quill’s help. We fell into a hysteric heap of Lockwoods and Quill standing there laughing at our ridiculousness. For what it's worth, Tony and I couldn't get up; we were so out of breath from laughing and running.

We walked home slower than when we arrived but Tony still ran ahead.  
“He'd make a good agent you know,” muses Quill watching Tony.  
I look over at Quill. “Don't you dare. He's not going to be an agent.”  
He looks at me confused. “How come?”  
“Because it's dangerous. Because I couldn't stand it if he couldn't sleep anymore due to the nightmares. I don't want him crying himself to sleep. I don't want him to tell me about a friend he made only to see his smile disappear a few days later when he tells me they died in an accident. I couldn't bear it.”  
“Jess look at him, he's got the reflexes and the stamina. I'd bet you he's got a strong Talent. He's a Lockwood after all.” He glances at me at that last statement and quickly turns to watch Tony again. “With some training he'd easily be one of London’s best agents.”  
I close my eyes. “No Quill. That's my final statement. No. He’s never going to be an agent if I can help it. He doesn't deserve to have his childhood ripped away from him any more that it already has.”  
Quill sighs and we walk in silence for a few minutes.  
Soon I can see the iron fence that surrounds the house. Tony stands at the gate and I approach slowly to make sure I'm not going to be ambushed with snow again.  
I pull out my keys and unlock the gate. Once it's unlocked Tony rushes into the house.  
I shake my head. “He never stops does he?”  
I turn around to face Quill who's hanging back.  
“I should get going. I have another job tonight and I should go eat.”  
I nod. “That's fair. Good luck tonight.”  
I turn to go into the house.  
“Uh Jess?” I turn to look at Quill who's red in the face, probably due to the cold and running, and rubbing the back of his neck. “I had fun today.”  
“Me too.”  
He nods. “I'd like to do something like that again sometime.”  
I smile for probably the millionth time today. “Me too.”


	2. Chapter 3

Boots pounded the ground as I ran through the quickly emptying streets.   
Night was quickly falling the air growing colder and colder, even for winter.  
I had to make a quick run to the bank at the last second and I need to get home soon. I have no protection from the dangers that lurk in the dark.  
I raced down the street while other people hurried into buildings, afraid of the night.  
I rounded a corner and my foot hit a patch of ice. My hip hit the ground and I slid a couple feet, crashing into someone and causing them to fall on top of me.  
The weight on me quickly went away and I looked up.  
“Sorry about tha-.” My voice caught in my throat as took in the red hair and bright green eyes. They blinked at me in surprise.  
“H-hi Quill,” I stammer.   
“Jessica,” he says dumbfounded. “I haven't seen you in a while.” He puts a hand out and help me up. I rub my bruised hip.  
“It's been some time, hasn't it?” I say awkwardly.   
“Yeah. I haven't seen you since you, you know.”  
“Yeah.”  
“So how you've been?”  
“Oh! I've been good I guess. I mean as good as one can be after, you know.”  
“Yeah…”  
A cough sounds from behind Quill and I notice three kids standing behind him dressed in grey Fittes jackets, bulging bags, and gleaming rapiers. Agents.  
“Oh yeah! This is the team I'm now leading. I was promoted after you, you know.”  
I nod.  
Quill points to a skinny blond kid around the age of twelve. “That's Leon Jacobson. He's got pretty good Sight.”   
He gestures to a sturdy girl with long black hair and wide eyes hidden behind glasses about the same age as Leon. “This is Eliza Phillips. She’s progressing fast.”  
He then looks around confused as if something’s wrong.  
“Where’s Kat?” A skinny little girl with short blond hair creeps forward from between Leon and Eliza.  
Quill smiles. “And this is Kat Godwin. She’s Fittes’ newest recruit but she's a really good Listener.” He leans over to where I stand. “But not as good as you,” he whispers.  
I jerk my head to look at him. He gives a shy smile and I see the kid I once knew.  
“Hey Leon. Can you take everything over to the bench on the other side of the corner? I'll be with you guys in a sec.”  
Leon solemnly nods. He hoists his bag and leads the girls around the corner. He eyes me suspiciously and Eliza gives me a quick once over.  
I watch as Kat passes by, straight-faced but bright eyed, eager to prove herself. I remember being like that. I can feel the sad smile that crosses my face.  
I turn to Quill who's awkwardly standing across from me. “So you're a leader now? What's it like?”  
He runs a hand through his carrot colored hair as he glances at the ground. “It's stressful to say the least. It's just a lot of responsibility. It'd be better if you were here.” He looks up at me sheepishly.  
“Quill you know why I can't do that. I had to quit.”  
He sighs. “I know. It was just easier when you were around. I never had to worry about you and I knew you always had my back.”  
“And you had mine. But that's not possible anymore. Plus you're a leader now. You'll teach them everything you know and one day they'll be a great as you are.”  
As great as we were.  
It hangs in the air unspoken but present.   
The tension fills the air. Six months and this is how we meet. My tongue feels swollen because I know there's nothing I can say. But I’m trying.  
I smile and reach out a hand to grab his arm and pull him into a hug.  
“I'm so sorry I left Quill but Tony needs me.” I pull away and he nods.  
“I really have to get home. It was nice seeing you again though.”  
I move to get past him and continue my route home. His hand reaches out and grabs my arm.   
“Jess, I know you're never going to work as an agent again but please don't throw the time you spent as one away.” His are a pleading. “Don't throw our friendship away. I couldn't bear it if you did that.”  
I nod and he releases my arm. I take off running down the street as the memories bombard me.  
The training sessions and the awkward kid with the bright orange hair. The kid I walked over to and introduced myself to. The day we both graduated training and were put in the same assignment group. They day we defeated our first ghost and the day we witnessed the first death of a fellow agent. The day we graduated to both be second in command under the adult supervisor. The assignments that only the two of us went on because they were too dangerous for the rest of our team. The times we almost died and all the times we saved each other's lives.  
They all come back and by the time I slam the front door of the house shut, and I slide to the floor in a sobbing mess.  
“Jess? Is that you?” Tony enters the entry hall from the kitchen, tiredness written all over his face. “Jess are you okay?”  
I wipe my face and smile.  
“I'm okay. Just some memories came back.” I reach my arms up and he falls into them.  
I hold him there, cradled in my arms like mom used to do when I had nightmares.  
I never remember falling asleep but I woke up that morning with a blanket over me, my bruised hip aching, and Tony waiting for breakfast in the kitchen telling me it was uncomfortable to sleep in my lap.


	3. Prologue

_Breakfast. That's what's important_.  
Heat sizzled as eggs hit the skillet, the edges quickly cooking.  
 _He likes them over-easy._  
I carefully flipped the eggs over and then laid strips of bacon in another pan.  
I smiled to myself. _He loves bacon._  
It cooked fast and soon breakfast was done.  
“Tony!” I yelled down the hall. “Breakfast is ready!”  
I hear a shuffle as blankets fall to the floor and small feet hit right after. The bed creaks as it releases the weight it’s held.  
He entered our small kitchen, hair ruffled in every direction and eyes groggy. He yawned, showing the gap where he had just lost a front tooth a few days ago.  
“There's bacon you know.”  
His eyes lit up in excitement, all exhaustion gone. He ran to the table and climbed into a chair. His eyes followed me like a happy puppy as I grabbed our plates off the counter.  
“Here you go.” I handed him his plate and he attacked it like he hadn't eaten in days.  
By the time I finished my bacon, he had polished everything off.  
“You're the best sister ever,” he said looking up at me.  
I laughed. “You only say that because you've never had another sister.”  
“I don't need another sister to know that. You're the best _ever_ , Jess.”  
Coming from any other nine year old, it would've seemed to be a throw-away compliment. But the way he stared at me told me he was saying the truth.


	4. Chapter 1

I stared at the stack of mail piling on the table. Letters I couldn't bring myself to read, bills I didn't want to see, and legal papers that I wish would just disappear.

"Hey Jess! Whatcha doing?” My little brother bounced behind me using my chair for support. I bend my head back to look at Tony’s bright dark eyes.

_How can he still be so happy?_

“I'm debating if I'm going to go through this mail.”

“I can help. That way it can be fun!”

I stand from my chair. “How about we go the baker’s down the street instead. I'm not in the mood to sort through all this paper.” In all honesty, I don't want him to see all this. It's my burden and mine alone.

He immediately perks up and begins to bounce around the kitchen. Then he stops. “Wait. Isn't it the middle of the day?”

I come up behind him and tickle his sides. He collapses to the floor giggling. “Why should that stop us? They don't close for the afternoon. Besides I smell an almond-frosted bun with my name on it.”

 

 

We sat at a little booth in the corner of the bakery next to the windows.

I loved London. There's no where else I'd rather be.

I never completely understood my parents fascination with traveling everywhere. Nothing is ever set in stone, even death, and to just stay in one place seems like spitting in the face of all that. It says _Ha! I'm here and this is one thing that's sound_.

But my parents did love to travel and if there's one thing I knew about them was that they loved the uncertainty of the world.

I looked across to Tony. Frosting was smeared on his face and he was leaning back in his seat, clearly regretting eating two bearclaws. I hid a small smile. I don't understand how he's still so happy and energetic after that entire ordeal. Maybe it's due to the fact he's nine. Maybe it's due to the fact he doesn't understand the full horrors of the Problem. Either way, I'm glad he's like this; it helps me get through my own day.

“Anything else you'd like to do today?” I ask him. He groans and I laugh. “I take that as a no?”

“I want to see a movie.”

“Awesome. Fort or no fort?”

“No. I don't mean a home movie. Like a movie theater movie.”

My heart stops. “Tony. You know we can't do that.”

“Well how come?” He asks in the way only a nine year old can. “We used to do it with mom and dad sometimes.”

“Well I'm not mom and dad. Movies are for the rich adults. And besides it’s the middle of winter; it'll be dark when the movie finally ends. We can't walk home once it's dark and I don't like cabs.”

“We could totally walk home. You'd protect us, Jess.”

I close my eyes and sigh. “Tony, I don't do that stuff anymore.”

“How come? I heard Dad tell Mom that you were one of the best Listeners Fittes had.”

I stare at him. “He said that? He’s just being a bragging father. It doesn't mean anything.”

“C’mon Jess. Please?” He stares at me with wide eyes. He could get mom do anything for him. Sadly for him I'm not Celine Lockwood.

“We can go watch a movie but it'll be at home.” His small face falls and stares at the glaze covered table.

”Hey. I'll set up Dad’s old DVD player and we can make a fort to rival all forts.”

A smile creeps back to his face. I can tell it wasn't what he really wanted but I can tell he's already planning out the fort. We stand up and Tony pushes the door open, causing a burst of cold air the fill the room. “Be careful with the door,” I chide. “Not everyone here is ready for the cold.”

He doesn't hear me as he skips down the street towards home. I sigh and ran to catch up with him. My boots slipped along the icy sidewalk as we rounded the corner onto our street. I reach Tony while he stands by the iron gate waiting for me to unlock it. He has this cheeky grin on his face and while I pull out the keys from my pocket, snow hits my chest. I drop the keys in surprise and there stands Tony laughing.

“You little monster! You're going to pay!” I grab a handful of snow and chuck it at him. He ducks below the fence as my throw falls short.

“Why a monster?” He yells as he grabs a handful of snow at the base of the gate.

“What?” I say as I jump the fence. “Would you prefer turd or weak tea?” I throw another snowball at him that explodes on the fence.

“Hey!” He shouts as he runs along the fence line. “Don't joke about tea!”

“I will when it's the tea you make!” I say as I aim another snowball.

“You’ve gone too far.” He picks up the keys I dropped and point them at me. “This means war.” I lob snowballs at him as he races back to the gate and begins to try and unlock it. I take cover our giant tree as he swings the gate open. He races towards me and jumps on me, knocking me into the snow. White powder flies around us and coats Tony’s dark hair. We lay there in a tangle of limbs looking at the branches, laughing till our sides hurt.

“Hey Jess?”

“Yeah?”

“Can we go watch that movie now? I'm cold.”


	5. Chapter 2

There are things about this world that are mysteries. Why does the Problem exist? Do my parents artifacts actually do something? And why is Tony so happy?  
It's been a few months since our parents died. Sadness still lingers for me but as far as I can see, it hasn't seemed to affect Tony too much.  
He smiles so much it's a wonder his face doesn't hurt by the end of the day. He has so much energy that he can never seem to get rid of.  
I can't explain his happiness cause I don't share it. I wasn't as happy as he was when I was nine.  
Maybe I was and I don't remember.  
Maybe he's so happy because there's things I don't tell him. He doesn't know of the social workers, the money our parents left behind, or the full extent of the Problem.  
I shield him from all these things. They're stressful, perilous, and a very high chance you'll die working. I should know. I was an agent. And I'll do everything I can for Tony not to follow in my footsteps.  
I've already lost my parents. I can't loose him too. I won't loose him.

Donald and Celia Lockwood were travelers, archeologists, and scientists all in one. They never stayed in one place long and always wanted something new.  
They were fascinated by the Problem and wanted to learn all they could. When I came home and told them I had been hired by Fittes to train as an agent they took us all out to dinner to celebrate.  
They were semi-predictable people. You could easily guess when they had a trip planned. You could pick out Donald’s favorite tie and Celia’s favorite necklace she only wore for formal occasions.  
But the one thing you’d never expect from them is to have a house. A permanent one. But when I was born they bought a old Victorian house in their home city of London at 35 Portland Row.  
Even though they traveled they always called this their home. Even if they left for over half a year and the house smells like old socks, it's still home.  
I never understood why they kept it, especially when they could've just rented an apartment for the time we'd be in London.  
I really don't know why they kept it now. Since they died, I've done everything that they used to do. Laundry, grocery shopping, cooking, and bills.  
This house is so old and requires so much maintenance. The good thing is that they paid it off entirely. But it still has its problems. Problems I never knew existed until I'm trying to pay for them.  
And that's been the case for most everything else. I never learned how to do any of these things. I never needed to. But now it all falls on me.


	6. Chapter 5

Days passed lazily by as winter continued on.  
Snow drifted to the ground. Wind cold as ice ripped through the air. And the darkness came sooner than preferred.  
Tony and I spent our days lying around the house playing board games or curled on the couch reading. We'd scan our parents library for various books until we both had a nice stack that'd we'd spend the day trying to get through most of it.  
I slowly began to organize our parents stuff.  
I didn't want to do it. It had always felt like I was trying to get rid of them or erase their existence from the world. But I finally managed to pull myself together and pack some of their things into boxes. Soon a few half-filled boxes lined the hallway.  
I slowly began to fill them. I started with their passports and various other legal documents that aren't needed anymore. I filled one box with Mom’s stuff and another with Dad’s.  
I took their notes and findings and put them into a separate box I eventually hauled to the basement.  
It was a somber endeavor and Tony seemed to realize that too. He quickly walked past me, he usual smile gone for a time.   
At meals he'd look at me like I was working at a morgue, like I had the most depressing job in the world. And that made me to an extent untouchable.  
And I guess in a way I was.  
I'd stand in my parents’ room for hours looking at everything but not moving. I'd go to pack away an evening gown or a worn out college hoodie, and start crying as I touched the fabric hanging in the closest. I'd sit at a half-packed box for a day emptying it and running my fingers across everything. I wouldn't speak. I couldn't speak. I was doing it but it felt worse than the funeral. Like I was truly saying goodbye for forever. And however stupid this sounds, I truly did hope it was forever.  
“Jess?” I looked up and had trouble focusing on Tony. He looked at me concerned. “Hey Jess?”  
“Yes?” I responded in a daze.  
“Do you think we could play game together?” He shuffled his feet and stared at me with wide brown eyes.  
“Yeah. Of course. Sure. Just give me a minute.” He nodded and padded down the hallway to the library.  
I began to pack everything slowly, looking over everything like I hadn't seen it before.  
I stood up and walked into the kitchen to grab some water. I got to the mouth of the kitchen when I heard sobbing. It was coming from Tony’s room.  
I rushed to his room and lightly knocked on his door before slowly pushing it open.  
“Hey. What's wrong?” I ask.  
“Go away!” Sobs a voice from under a mound of bedsheets. I walk over and sit next to the mound.  
“Well I can't very well do that now can I?”  
“Yes you can! Go away!” He says hiccuping.  
I lift a part of the sheets to see red rimmed eyes staring back at me.  
“Tony what's going on?”   
“You!” He pulls the covers over himself again.  
I blink in surprise. “What did I do?”  
“Nothing!” He shouts.  
“Then I how have I done anything wrong?” I ask confused.  
“That’s the problem,” he hiccups. “You promised to play a game with me. But instead you sat around with those boxes.”  
“Tony I needed to repack them. We can play a game now, can't we?”  
“No! It's my bedtime and you never let me stay up late unless we watch a movie.” I look to the digital clock sitting on his tiny desk. 10:23. Crap. I spent over another hour packing those boxes  
“Oh Tony. I'm so sorry. I completely lost track of time.”  
“Obviously.”  
We sit in awkward silence. I can't think of anything to say to him and he's still hiccuping from under the sheets.  
“Jess? Why are you putting mom and dad’s stuff away?” A small voice whispers from the mound on the bed.  
“It felt like it was time to put it in storage,” I say rubbing his back.  
“Are you trying to forget them?”  
I suddenly freeze. “No. I don't think I could ever forget them.”  
“Hey Jess?” He whispers. “Can you tell me about them?”  
Tears prick my eyes. “Mom and Dad always said they were different. They were fascinated by ghosts and how they manifested. Other people were either scared of them or trying to find way to get rid of them. They loved to travel and see the world. They loved to witness a different culture, one that had myths of ghosts and ancient rituals slowly losing touch with world. They were the smartest and most kind people you'd ever know.”  
We sat like that as the snow slowly fell. Tony curled under the sheets and me sitting on the edge of his bed.   
I told stories of how our parents met, how they told my I was going to be sister, and the way they always wanted family at the center of what they did.  
I'm not sure when his head came out from under the covers or when he fell asleep.  
I remember in a sleepy daze finally leaving his room and crashing into my own bed and sleep washing over me almost immediately.


	7. Chapter 6

New Years came and went without any really extravagance.  
The wealthiest of London put on fireworks displays at midnight from the safety of their money and many people had soon found New Years a tiresome endeavor.  
It's been years since people have had hope for finding a solution to the Problem. New Years resolutions were things you read in books and old stories.  
But my parents had loved the firework displays, so Tony and I watched them from our small back deck bundled in blankets.  
We muddled through our days waiting for the warmth and sunlight that accompanied spring.

 

I blinked slowly, raising my head to look at my window.  
Ping! Ping!  
A noise sounded outside my window.   
I shook my head and fell against my pillow once more.  
Ping! Ping! Ping!  
I sat up in my bed angry now. This wasn't random and it was something hitting against my window.  
I stormed over to my window, nightgown billowing around me, angry at whatever was ruining my sleep.   
I slide my window open and stick my head out into the night.  
Standing at the base of my window is Quill, dressed in his Fittes uniform.  
“What are you doing here?” I hiss at him.  
“Jess.” He says my name solemnly like one would at a grave. He looks tired and is staring at the frosted ground. “I really need to talk to you.”  
I stare at him closely. Something happened. I know it.   
“Give me a second.” I close my window and throw on a woolly robe and slippers. I quietly sneak out of my room and creep down the hall till I'm outside.  
Quill stands in the middle of the yard. He looks defeated. As I approach him I notice cobwebs stuck on his jacket and rapier slung at his hip.  
“Quill what's going on? It's the middle of the night.” I pull my robe around myself to try to combat the cold.  
“Jess I just came back from a job.” Well that explains the cobwebs and rapiers. “Jess, Eliza died tonight.” My hand covers my mouth and Quill looks up at me. His face is flushed and eyes are puffy and red.   
“Quill I'm so sorry.”  
His hands cover his face.   
“I only met her once and she seemed so nice. I’m glad and I met her and you should be proud to have known her. Still, you need to try and move on however hard it’s going to be. It sucks but we know the dangers of this job and Eliza did too.”  
“I can't. Jess, I was leading the operation. I called the shots. And now she's dead.”  
I cross the distance between us and pull him into a hug. “I'm so, so sorry. I don't know what you're feeling and I can't help.” I look at the snow and feel as powerless to control the situation as I was when the authorities told me my parents were dead.  
Quill shakes and I can feel warm tears hitting my shoulder.  
“I just needed to talk to you. I just need to let it go,” he whispers. “You're doing more than enough. Thank you.”  
I don't know how long we stand there but snow begin to fall and my hands go numb.  
I finally release him. I stare at him. He looks worse for the wear but there's an air about him that you can tell he feels better now.  
“Do you want to come inside and talk?” I whisper.   
He nods in response, obviously too choked up to say anything more.  
We solemnly walked into the kitchen. Quill sat at the cluttered table as I went and grabbed two blankets from the closet. I threw one over his shoulders and he hugged it around himself. I sat down wrapped in the other blanket next to him.  
His eyes were staring at an old mug on the table but his eyes were unfocused and I could see that he wasn't here.  
“Quill what exactly happened?” I whisper.  
He doesn't look at me.   
“Quill?” Tears prick the corners of his bloodshot eyes and a heavy sigh released into the silence of the room.  
“It began like any operation you could think of. Regular routine of laying chains and iron. But then I screwed up. Oh Jess, I screwed up so bad.”  
“Hey, hey. Just breathe.”  
Another shaking breath rattled his skinny frame.  
“Fittes had gotten a call roughly a week ago. A food factory had been having some issues. Depressing feelings, freezing areas, and rumors from passing kids that something was amiss; basically all the typical haunting signs. It was set to be a really simple mission so Fittes gave the job to my team.   
“We had a week to prep and everything. Turns out there were some cases from when the factory first opened and two guys were killed by machinery, your basic factory haunting. So we went in expecting the typical Type Ones and such. That wasn't the case. They were Changers.  
“I had Eliza scout the upper rafters with Leon. Kat and I took the ground floor. Turns out one of the workers died by falling into a meat grinder from the rafters. Leon was scouting while Eliza listened. Neither Kat nor I could sense anything, but Eliza heard something. She apparently heard the pounding of work boots on the rafters and a heavy sigh. She realized it was creeping up on Leon so she pushed him out of the ghost’s path. Her sudden movement and emotion made the ghost target her. She was ghost touched.”  
His face fell into his hands and I sat there shocked.  
“Quill. I don't know what to say. But it's not your fault she died. You couldn't have known that would happen and she made her choice to try and save her friend.”  
“But I should’ve gone with her! Or all four of us should've looked at the rafters or something! There must've been something I could have done.”  
“You couldn't have predicted any of this to happen! You have to move on and try to cope. Eliza wouldn't have wanted you to wallow in self pity about something you had little control over. It's going to suck but you have to, cause there's people who rely on you and-“ I choked on my words as a sob racked my body.  
A little voice appeared in the hall. “Jess? What's going on? Why is he here? Why are you both crying? Jess?”  
I wiped the tears from my face. “Quill was just telling me about his day.”  
Tony took a few small steps into the kitchen. “But why are you guys crying?”  
I stood up and walked over to where he stood. “Because sometimes stuff becomes kinda hard,” I say as I pull him into a hug. “Because sometimes the only way to be able to let the happy emotions in is to cry. When you cry, you get rid of all the bad stuff so the good stuff has room to live.”  
Tony looked up at me. “But why are you crying? Why do you have to release the bad stuff?”  
I crouch down so I'm eye level with him. “I know you know this, but bad things happen to good people. We’re currently grieving for someone who had bad things happen to them.”  
“Oh,” he whispers as he looks down at the ground.  
“Since we woke you up really early, do want me to make you hot chocolate or something?”  
Tony nods and I lead him to the kitchen.   
Thank you, I mouth to Quill as we pass the table. He smiles in reply and returns to whatever he was contemplating.   
I get a mug out and fill it with milk and chocolate and put it in the microwave. Tony stands by the counter, the entire time staring at Quill.  
“Hey Jess?” he quietly asks. “Why is Quill here?”  
“He’s struggling with some stuff and needs someone to help him. And he's my friend and I care about him, so I'm here to listen.”  
Tony breaks eye contact with me and looks at the corner of the room. “I want to help him too,” he whispers. He walks over to where Quill still sits staring at nothing. Tony grabs his limb hand and gently pulls Quill from his chair. He limply follows as Tony takes him to the other room.  
I finished Tony’s hot chocolate and made two more mugs of tea. I carried them into the family room to find Tony and Quill sitting in front of the tele that was playing the beginning of a movie.  
“See since our parents traveled for their studies they went to many different places. One of those was America when this movie came out and Dad loved it since.”  
Tony looked up and smiled at me.  
Quill looked up at me doubtfully. I just shook my head and handed him some tea.  
I handed the hot chocolate over to Tony and sat on the couch farthest away from the tele.   
Music began to blare as the opening scene of Star Wars began.  
Quill sat at the foot of the couch mesmerized by the movie. Tony sat next to him grinning like a fool.  
I looked at the back of their heads, one red another brown and small. These were my boys.   
I paid loose attention to the movie and suddenly Tony was sitting next to me. “Do you think he likes the movie?” he whispered.  
I crane my head over to where Quill sat and the base of the couch. “I think so. Thank you for this,” I say putting my arm around him.  
Tony gives me a wide grin. He stands up and pulls me up with him to sit next to him for the rest of the movie.  
Tony sat between Quill and me, bouncing with excitement. Quill gave me a confused smile over Tony’s head. I shrugged and smiled back and actually watched the movie.  
It was noon when we finally finished all of them.  
Quill loved them but was ready to fall asleep at a moment’s notice. I wasn’t much better myself. Tony left to go back to sleep so it was just me and Quill standing in the entryway.  
“Thank you for listening. And tell Tony thanks for showing me the movies. I really enjoyed them,” he said smiling faintly.  
I stepped forward and embraced him. “I will. And please know that no matter what, you can come here. Tony and I are here for you. Well mostly me.”  
He stepped back and smiled me. He opened his mouth and closed it quickly. “Thanks again Jess.” He left himself out and stood there wondering if we’d meet again in worse circumstances.  
I locked the door and went to bed for a well needed nap.


End file.
